You do not have to be good.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.

Mary Oliver was a queer poet living in New York City in the 1960s and 70s. Often in her work there’s a theme of looking to nature as a reminder of how to live a good life, one of mindful reflection and gratitude, compassion for yourself and for others.

Lines from her poem, Wild Geese, often occupy my mind. Like a skipping record, I’ll repeat the first line over and over until I feel I believe it.

“You do not have to be good.”

“You do not have to be good.”

“You do not have to be good.”

Sometimes I’ll take this as a reminder that I can be a beginner at something, that I don’t need to emerge from the creative womb a fully formed expert. I can let myself write a messy first draft or make 20 terrible YouTube videos before I finally make one that I’m proud of.

You do not have to be good/
You do not have to walk on your knees/
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting

Oh yeah, maybe I don’t have to beat myself for every imperfect or immature response when something gets under my skin: I cut someone off in traffic. I was late to an appointment with a client. I snapped and said something unkind to someone I love.

Guilt is an important emotion, it helps us acknowledge when our actions defy our personal values. Guilt can help us know when an…